Saturday, July 24, 2021

Theater People



a medley of mange

this group of misfits
laughing dancing
and grazing the strange

unconventional freaks
outlandish and odd
parroting our priests
and glib of our gods

mocking our trials
poking fun of our kings
curating our flaws
as they jump and sing

bent and demented
indignant to drones
lippy and pert
these rolling stones

theater people

Hyperbolic Lung

 ten thousand times

you repeat the line
mine is the lucky number

what is real what is true
just what we perceive
like the collective views
the sky is blue

a linear eccentric
quips from the hip

i never have but
she will soon

arc a phrase
tell a truth
perpetuate a lie

but right on time
the real is revealed
with the curve of your words
you bark at the moon

Saturday, September 12, 2020

War On The Whale

 willful ignorance
history repeating
head in the sand
the leaders are cheating

from the left and right
the view is the same
perception is truth
for the man to game

rich and poor
black and white
the blue and the red
prepare and fight

swinging the sword
but dismissing the pen

it’s already been fought
and assessed by them

but we ignore the words
and twist the tale
so that we can continue
to fight the whale.

Tuesday, January 01, 2019

The Cleansing of Color

the choppers blades
unaware
the cleansing of color

twist in the wind
like the means of unfit mothers
champions
of unfounded snare

who's revolution
of her weighted intent
should be held to account
when justness is spent

the judges, juries
and executioners trail
hovering the bluster
as appellants flail

<------------->

the choppers blades
unaware
the cleansing of color....

Tuesday, May 08, 2018

Life is Short. Don't Hold Your Breath.


Life seems short. Except when you are holding your breath. It is, until it’s not. Or it is unless it’s not. These are the visceral binary positions I dream up when I am trying to start a blog post. I haven’t written a post in several years now. A failed experiment; daily journaling. My step-father has been journaling daily for as long as I can remember. When we were kids, I remember he would sit in his chair with one of those old timey arm key typewriters on his lap and type a letter to his father. Curtis and his father had a great rapport on paper. Perhaps Wayne inspired Curtis to write, even if only for his own eyes.

I’m staying on topic, until I’m not. Back to my binary assertion. Life is short unless you’re holding your breath. I’m fifty-four years old as I type this, and I have just recently been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. I never thought in a million years, that I would ever make such a statement. I wasn’t holding my breath.

My wife is a Nurse Practitioner, and she keeps our family on the right track staying current with our family practice doc., keeping up with our blood tests, or just doing the right thing generally. I have been on a routine of getting the basics done with blood work, including the test which measures your Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA). Over the past year, my PSA levels have risen. The most recent test brought back the highest level thus far, which was a 3.9. When you look at the age specific charts, that number does not exactly incite panic. It’s a tad high, but not through the roof by any stretch of the imagination. So, when my family doc called and said she wanted to refer me to a specialist, I was skeptical, but I went along with it. Then when the Urologist called and informed me that they have scheduled me for a Prostate Biopsy, I responded with, “Woah. Slow down Doc!” At the time I was still not convinced that this was necessary.

I called the Urology clinic back and told the receptionist that I would like to talk to the Doc before we do this. She agreed and switched my date from a biopsy to a consult. I then thought I would go to the lab and volunteer a new PSA test to show them that this is not Cancer. Well, I thought I would show them. When I went to the lab, and volunteered my blood to prove my point, the 3.9 came back.

Damn!! So much for that idea.

I took the lab to the consult with the doc. He performed a Prostate exam, and then reported, “I felt a nodule on the left side of your prostate.” To which I replied, “Oh alright already. You can do the biopsy.”

The time period from consult to biopsy was a couple weeks. During that time, I rationalized to my wife, my daughter and her family, and to myself, that this is not going to turn out to be Cancer. Nodules appear in the body all the time, right? Mary’s Mammograms have shown nodules that were benign. Mine should be too, right? Ok, I know. This form of inductive reasoning leads me down the wrong rabbit hole.

When the biopsy date arrived, I went in thinking this was going to be an enlarged Prostate, or some other problem that most men encounter as they get older. I now know that Prostate Cancer is among the many very common problems that men experience into their 50s and beyond. The biopsy, as was stated in the literature, was not a painful experience. As stated in the brochure, the needle felt like a slight snap of a rubber band on your skin. The doc had me positioned on my side, facing away from him. He had a monitor that showed the sonogram image, and they had a second monitor showing the sonogram so that I could see as well. As he was sticking me with those needles, I could tell he could see something. It finally sunk in at that point. I am going to hear him tell me I have Cancer. As it turned out, the news came in the form of a phone call from the clinic’s office staff.

The goal of that phone call was threefold. First to break the unfortunate news. Second to schedule a CT Scan so that they could look and see if the Cancer had spread. Lastly to schedule a follow up with the doc.

The time frame from phone call to doc visit was less than a week. Some men might take that time to freak out. I just remember thinking, “Yay! Another day off.” Please don’t take that to mean that I am absolutely flippant about my life, the lives of my loved ones, or just about life in general. I have been doing a lot of reading since this whole thing started, and based on that reading, I concluded that while this situation is not to be taken lightly, we have caught this thing rather early, and my prognosis will be in high favor as we move through it. Also, I have come to be at peace with my mortality. I don’t want to go anywhere for a long time, but by the same token, I don’t believe fear will be my response when I find myself at the edge of that cliff. I could be wrong. I’m just guessing because I have never been there. Or I have been there but didn’t realize I was there and didn’t have time to freak out.

The follow up visit was a bit of a surprise for me. Mary was with me, and I think she noticed the “deer in the headlights” look on my face. I thought the doc was going to say something like, “Well Mark, you have Cancer, but we can just hook you up with some of that radiation, and things will be all better.” That is NOT what we heard. Instead, the doc told me that among the risk levels, mine was intermediate. He told me removing the Prostate was the best option. I asked about the radiation treatment, and he said while it's an option, implementing it would limit options in the future. Scar tissue would complicate surgery options if the radiation didn’t get it all. Time to heal was also the reason the prostatectomy would have to be scheduled no less than six weeks after the biopsy.

So, here I am. Waiting for the sixth week post biopsy. Still not freaking out. But I am a bit anxious about the surgery. Lots of questions are popping up in my mind. Will they find cancer outside of the prostate? Will they have to compromise sexual function in order to remove Cancer cells in that area? Will they compromise sexual function by accident? Will they leave the hemostats in my abdomen?

The official name for the procedure is Robotic Radical Prostatectomy. The doctor is sort of like a kid at the arcade. He sits in front of a high res screen and controls the robot with joysticks and buttons and such. The brochure states that the robot is called “De Vinci” after the famous artist who was obsessed with the human form. The De Vinci apparently produces much better post-op surgery results than a surgeon and his manual tools. De Vinci doesn’t have coffee shakes and makes incisions more precisely. Patients experience less blood loss, less post-op pain, and faster healing times. This is encouraging.

That’s my story so far, and I am sticking to it. I have about three or so more weeks before the surgery. Once I get through it and am able to sit on my butt for a few minutes, I will write a new post with all of the new things I have learned.

Just remember. Life is short, so don’t hold your breath.

Friday, November 04, 2016

Tightened My Artist Statement

I have tightened up my artist statement. Here is how it reads now.

I am not a professional artist, though, I have sold a few art works. As I write this bio, I am 20 years in the business of Information Technology. I am currently running an IT shop for County Government. My first passion in visual expression came in the form of still photography. As a teenager, I was very curious with the camera. As a young adult, I enlisted in the United States Navy, and worked as a Photographer's Mate. My tenure in the Navy was a life changing experience. I transitioned very well to digital photography, and not long after that, I began focusing my attention on oil paint. I took a class at the local community college, and had a great experience with the painting instructor. She taught me how to think about art, how to talk about art, and how to allow myself to "let go" of the rules, and just let the painting happen organically. My favorite photographers are Edward Weston, and Sebastiao Selgado. My favorite painters are Joan Mitchell, Karel Appel, and so many more. Too many to name. When I am out and about with the camera, I am enjoying the solitude of the landscapes I am photographing. I spent just a few years tinkering with digital art, and was able to get one of my digital art images accepted into a national juried exhibition in 2011. When I am painting, I am witnessing a battle between my conscious mind and my sub-conscious. The result so far - some non-objective works, that focus on action, color, shape, line, and texture. On the other side lies a painter that works very conceptually.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Artist Statement

I think you call it an Artist Statement. Anyway, I wrote one, not really following the rules. I just did it my way. Thanks Blue Eyes :)

I am beginning to deepen my profile on the Saatchi Art site, in an effort to present my work to those who are a little more inclined to purchase. Here is the statement I submitted to the Saatchi site.

--------------

I am not a professional artist, though, I have sold a few art works. As I write this bio, I am 20 years in the business of Information Technology. Some years in the hospital environment, a few years in the wireless Internet Service industry, and currently running an IT shop for County Government.

My first passion in visual expression came in the form of still photography. As a teenager, I was very curious with the camera. As a young adult, I enlisted in the United States Navy, and worked as a Photographer's Mate. My tenure in the Navy was a life changing experience. I transitioned very well to the digital photography world, and not long after that, I began focusing my attention on oil paint.

I took a class at the local community college, and had a great experience with the painting instructor. She taught me how to think about art, how to talk about art, and how to allow myself to "let go" of the rules, and just let the painting happen organically. My favorite photographers are Edward Weston, and Sebastiao Selgado. My favorite painters are Joan Mitchell, Karel Appel, and so many more. Too many to name.

When I am out and about with the camera, I am enjoying the solitude of the landscapes I am photographing. I spent just a few years tinkering with digital art, and may return to it, but as I write this, I am very deep into the genre of black and white landscape still photographs. When I am painting, I am witnessing a battle between my inner being, and my outer being. Rather, my conscious mind versus my sub-conscious mind. The result so far - some non-objective works, that focus on action, color, shape, line, and texture. On the other side of the inner battle lies a painter that works very conceptually. The painting titled, One Zero, is currently my most significant example of the conceptual style. 

Monday, May 27, 2013

Stream On Youtube

Hey all ... just a quick note. I am continuing my blog with videos on Youtube. At first, I started pasting links to the entries there, but I don't think I'm going to continue that. Rather, I just will link you to my channel over there. Occasionally, I may still write some things here, but most of my updates are likely going to appear on my Youtube channel. Please feel free to surf the links, and let me know what you think. Hit the like, subscribe, favorite, and all that other happy horse sheeet. LOL ... Thanks

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCENcwWTQHuM1MtatJ7DHDRA?feature=guide